There's a black widow (the spider, not the person) living under our front porch. It's behemoth in size and could easily kill anything that it wants. When Emilie first spotted it I tried to get it but it slinked away into some dark spot and I couldn't find it. I did the only sensible thing I could - I destroyed it's web. I thought for sure it would be crushed and go looking for another home. Instead, the spider quickly recreated a bigger and better home.

Last night I saw it again. I went and got a piece of cardboard to assist in my murderous plan, but by the time I got back to the web it was gone. Tonight I'm going to try again. I am planning on using my video camera with NightVision technology to try to catch the spider and destroy it. I'll try to get some pictures so that everyone can see how utterly gargantuan this thing is. If I don't show up for work tomorrow, call the police...